Thin Pinstriped Line

The media have reacted with barely concealed glee today at the news that HMS DAUNTLESS is to deploy to the south Atlantic, and may visit the Falkland Islands. If confirmed, and if her programme goes ahead as intimated, then in the eyes of journalists the world over, this is clearly a great day for Britain as we slap down those truly dreadful Argentines who are demonstrating the audacity to suggest that territory owned by the UK is actually theirs. Clearly, sending a gunboat is the right thing to do. The reality is that the RN has kept a permanent presence in the South Atlantic for 30 years - throughout this time there has always been an RN vessel, sometimes a major warship, sometimes an SSN, sometimes an OPV, but there has always been an RN presence in the region. Over this time, many new ships have entered service, and many of them have represented a step change in capability compared to their predecessors. This is an inevitable mark of progress, and in reality is nothing extraordina...

In earlier posts, the author has looked at the threat posed by Argentina to the Falkland Islands, and has suggested that if you ignore bellicose public statements, then the reality is that the islands are unlikely to be attacked by Argentina anytime soon. In this final post on the subject, the intent is to explore some of the challenges surrounding any potential aggressor who wishes to attack the islands, and the sort of planning considerations that they need to consider when factoring in an attack. This is perhaps more timely given that yet another senior general (Sir Mike Jackson) has now claimed that if the islands were lost, then the UK could not recover them. The challenge. Any potential aggressor intending to occupy the Falklands needs to plan an assault around the following factors.    A remote airbase with good ground defences, and located a not inconsiderable      distance from the nearest credible port is the centre of gravity.    The def...

The author unsurprisingly found the recent report by the HCDC select committee on the current rounds of armed forces redundancies to be a fascinating use of selective quoting, and reporting top make out that not one civil servant has been made redundant, and that 40% of our brave boys are being made redundant by callous uncaring civil servants. To add insult to injury, the resident Quisling, Frau Brennan claimed that the civil service was far more flexible than the military. Clearly, a time for outrage. The truth, as ever, is far more challenging. This author is increasingly concerned at the attitude of the HCDC towards the MOD civil service - rather than seeing it as an essential supporting body to enable defence, the HCDC increasingly regards us as a vile organisation, urgently needing to be culled at all costs. One of the worst offenders is James Arbuthnot, who repeatedly makes snide comments to the PUS, chosing to mangle her phrases in order to get cheap headlines, most likely to ...

One of the authors favourite websites (www.thinkdefence.co.uk) has a regular round up of Hansard answers. Over the years, the author has done his fair share of Parliamentary questions, and enjoys the mental challenge offered by trying to answer the question in a way which is neither informative, politically damaging or terribly exciting (in other words, a political party manifesto...). One particular recent question though caught the authors eye -   Nicholas Soames (Mid Sussex, Conservative)To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many RFA tankers are to be ordered in the MARS programme. Peter Luff (Parliamentary Under Secretary of State (Defence Equipment, Support and Technology), Defence; Mid Worcestershire, Conservative): We have received the final bids for the Military Afloat Reach and Sustainability ( MARS ) Tankers programme and anticipate announcing the winning bid later this spring. Up to four MARS tankers are expected to be ordered. This is a most revealing ...

Travelling on the tube today, Humphrey noted the story in the Evening Standard about 'MPs outrage' that the MOD had spent £1.1m on consultants since the SDSR to advise on disposals http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-24030047-mps-outraged-as-consultants-get-pound-11m-from-deal-to-axe-harriers.do Notwithstanding the fact that the author is outraged just about every time he reads his MPs expenses claim forms, or hears verbatim just badly certain MPs behaved during trips to Operational Theatres (allegedly some very bad behaviour indeed (allegedly)), the question remains, do they have a point in being outraged? Humphries emphatic answer is NO. Its very easy to get worked up when you read about consultants, they tend to be portrayed as the sort of slimy morally absent creatures who are more concerned with sneaking a glance at your watch prior to telling you the time and then billing you for the experience. The idea that public money is being used to get advice from the...

Bagpipes, Bayonets, Bluster and Bugger all else? The fallacies of the SNPs current defence policy. Sir Humphrey noted with interest the recent comments on the likelihood of the SNP adopting a defence force optimised for fairly international commitments in the event of Scotland becoming an independent nation. From the outset, the author wishes to be clear - he has a strictly personal view that the Union is stronger with Scotland playing a role in it, but equally, if they do become an independent country, then good luck to Scotland. However, he has real concerns that the current proposed Scottish Defence Forces seem to be based more on a quick Google of cool sounding military terminology, and not on any sensible discussion about the resources a small nation of 5 million people is realistically going to have to spend on Defence. In this article, Humphrey wants to raise a few pointers - not to say that the ideas concerned are wrong, but that a lot of work needs to go into making sure tha...

The £6 million aircraft - why the headline figure is not what it seems... Humphrey took an interest recently in reports that the RAF is acquiring 2 BAe 146 aircraft to conduct passenger transport in Afghanistan to fill the gap left by the overstretched C130 fleet. The total reported cost is £6 million to provide a capability, probably until 2015, or whenever final withdrawal is due. This report attracted negative comment on some websites, with well informed commentators suggesting that the planes had been offered to commercial firms for 1/3rd of that price recently and that the MOD was being ripped off. The author confidently expects to see a 'useless MOD civil servants ripped off again' headline appearing in short order by whichever journalist trawls that site looking for stories. This is an interesting debate - was the MOD ripped off, or is this another case where people are comparing chalk and cheese? The author has some experience of dealing with the provision of urgent op...

Since when is a jewellery purchase actually a clocking in machine? The answer it seems is that its when the MOD uses GPC cards to purchase items. The MOD has finally come out and updated its press report coverage and confirmed that the expenditure on various sundry items which caused various tabloid authors mass outrage the other day is actually nothing of the sort. As suspected by the author, the bills that were being assessed were in fact GPC card bills. The GPC is a brilliant invention - its easy to use, very easy to audit, and more importantly massively reduces staff time and hassle for authorising expenses claims. The one weakness in the system though is that when used, the audit reports are based on what the vendor classifies their merchant type trade as. In this case, the so called MOD jewellery spend was actually with a very specialised clock merchant, who received an annual support contract for a clocking in machine. So, the reality of it is that the MOD CS hasn't been swa...

Several items have caught the authors eye over the last few days. Firstly, the article in the Sunday times, later repeated in the Daily Mail (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2086974/Royal-Navy-spends-50bn-new-fighter-jets-land-aircraft-carriers.html) which claimed that the RNs new JCA (Joint Combat Aircraft), couldn't land on an aircraft carrier. On paper this sounds extremely embarrassing - who on earth would buy a plane which can't actually land? Clearly the MOD is staffed by buffoons and incompetents, and anyone who works for them should be sacked and ritually tarred with white feathers etc etc. The truth is a little more prosaic - there is a small issue with the F35 at the moment. That's why it is in testing - to find out what doesn't work, and then fix the problems so that it does work! Modern aircraft are complicated beasts, and do require a lot of work to ensure that everything comes together. Is it embarrassing that there is a problem - probably, it...

One of the authors favourite TV shows is the superb comedy 'Coupling', which at times neatly sums up many of lifes mysteries, including why men like watching porn with lesbians in (the aforementioned 'lesbian spank inferno'). However, tempting as it is to discuss in depth this issue, instead tonight the author wants to raise frustrations over the reaction to the news that the RAF has been nominated as the UKs most lesbian friendly recruiter. Ignoring the surprise the author felt at the news that such an award even existed, there has been a predictable reaction in some areas, with people getting on with the usual round of comments that the RAF (and wider services) are worse off as a result of taking homosexuals, that it sums up all that is wrong with management priorities and that Trenchard must be spinning in his grave etc. As ever this sort of story seems deliberately designed to inflame peoples opinions - the concept that the MOD is more focused on being a good emp...